Love this doctor
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, that's it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart will not make you live long; like saying you can extend life of car by driving fast. Want to live long? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You no grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So steak is efficient mechanism for delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). Pork chop give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No! Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, which is to take water out of fruity bit and get more goodness that way. Beer made of grain, too. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, you have a body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. You have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NO LISTEN!!! Foods are fried in vegetable oil. Soaked in it. How can more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise, muscle gets bigger. Only do sit-ups if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Best good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain to me whales.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.